truly

Why do I do this?
Why oh why oh why?
I know that I have no intentions of loving you,
but I put on my best face and smile that sweet smile
that promises more than friendship.
But I don't even want friendship

I want love without having to love.
I want experience without experiencing a broken heart.
I want YOU to understand.
I want to tell YOU all of my problems .
and I want YOU to have answers.
I want YOU to hear the bad and
I want YOUto lie.
I want YOU to tell me that things like this happen to everyone,
But I am not just anyone.
I am Sarah *******
and maybe if I were someone else I would be able to love YOU
as YOU so obviously would like.

But do YOU really really REALLY!
know what YOU want?
I am afraid
I am disappointed at the outcome before "WE" even begin.
YOU fall too fast... Blindly
YOU know a part of me...but only part.
YOU know the part that has a smile that speaks of experience (that I do not truthfully possess).
The part that giggles at jokes that we both know aren't very amusing.

When YOU say you know me better than I know myself
I die a little.
I had hoped that YOU weren't like the others
YOU don't love me...YOU only like the IDEA of me
The "dream girl"
who YOU think I am.
I can't stand to look at YOU
I don't return your messages
I don't answer your calls
Until I forget
Until you forget
Until we both move on.

and then and then and then

WE TALK
and a piece of me hopes that YOU will be different
but it doesn't really matter,
because...
I am the one who needs to change
I am the one
I am the one
I am the one who will never love
but will ALWAYS want to be loved