when friends don't act friendly

The knife stings as it makes a bloody line appear from my upper chest right down to my pelvis

My eyes fly open but no one notices
tongs probe at my spleen
I attempt to scream and end up soiling myself in the process
I have no self respect left
no dignity

I try to writhe in pain but I am sedated
my arms and legs are not under my control
I have no control
I feel everything
I bleed tears
I see my "friends" and a glimmer of hope appears
I am picked up just to be turned over
and stabbed in the back

my skin hangs loosely
it's as if I am being undressed (but I am not wearing clothes)
I AM THE DOCTOR NOT YOU!
I fix things
I kiss the bruises and clean the scrapes
My shoulder is always wet from another's tears
I will pull myself together
I will sew my skin back together
I will heal myself
So that I will be able to heal everyone else and put them back together

I will listen
I will care
so that once everyone else is healed
I can leave them and not feel guilty
I can lock myself up
and never worry again about what I cannot control

I will heal you so that I can leave you
I will live happily
I will communicate rarely, but I will not be bitter
I will forgive
but I will never forget
My scars won't let me forget